Hot and Cold Boys
The phenomenon of my love life is that I don't have one. I have a sex life, sure, but after 28 years on this planet we call Earth, Saturn still has no love life to speak of. And it hasn't been 4 lack of trying.
About a month ago at a club, a friend of mine made a startling realization. It was insight to a pattern that seems to happen with boys and myself. They run hot and cold. Severely hot and cold. One minute they'll be all into me, interested in pursuing something, calling me, going out with me, and then it's like someone flipped a switch. They just freeze. They're no longer interested, they stop calling and usually I never see them again. What prompted this on this particular night was a boy who I have always found incredibly attractive flirting with me. We were drinking, having a good time and, apparently, while I was in the restroom, my friend was telling this guy a little bit about me, you know extolling my virtues and saying that I was into getting to know a guy and looking for more than just a fuck, u know, basically get the 411 on what this boy was after. Well, apparently, he said all the right things because the boy was interested in the same things I was ... so he said. So, I return, the flirting continues. We touch, we drink, we laugh, it's going well. Then suddenly, it stops. He goes off talking to my friend and some other people ... which is fine, but as the night draws near an end, it's obvious he's avoiding me. My friend, who is very intrusive when he's drunk ... hell, even when he's sober ... manages to get from the guy the straight story ... he's really not interested in me at all. Hmmm, ok, no problem. It happens and I'm cool with that, but it was at this point that my friend made the realization that this happens to me ALL the time. And I had to think about it, and it was true! It doesn't usually happen like this scenario, usually there's a lot more involved than just a conversation at a club one night, but it always ends the same.
For just one example:
Just recently, I guy I've been wanting to talk to for a long time now showed some interest. We talked, we laughed, we touched, we flirted, we exchanged numbers. I called. We went out. Fabulous. I like him. He likes me. He wants to see me again. Excellent. He wants to see me again ... the next night. I think this is a bit unusual because most guys play the game of waiting and playing coy and all that crap which I hate, so I agree. Call me, he says, tomorrow and we'll go out. Great. A 2nd "date", if that's even what u call it anymore. That's always a positive sign. So, I call the next night and leave a message. He calls me back and cancels because he's tired. That's fine. I respect him because he had the courtesy to just call and say so instead of being a coward or insensitive and not calling back at all. So, we'll do it some other time, I say ... but wait, the signal dropped. Fucking cell phones. No biggie. We'll talk later. The next day, I call and leave a message just to say "hey." I was in a restaurant and they were playing a song he loved and I thought about him and I called to say so - in a cute "I'm interested in U" kind of way, not in a creepy "I'm obsessed with U" kind of way. U have to be careful ... there's a fine line there and I know better than 2 pass it. So, time passes. Days pass. I call a few days later, no answer again. I don't leave a message this time. He has caller ID and can see missed calls, I just want him to see that I called. So, more time passes. Nothing. Hmmm. So, I call yesterday and ask for a return call, saying that I enjoyed him and would like to see him again. I got the sneaking suspicion he wouldn't call. And that was my final call to him. I won't call again. And neither will he. And this is how it always ends. So, what happened? He went from hot 2 cold and it had nothing 2 do with me ... at least I hope. I mean, it couldn't possibly because I didn't even have a chance to do anything to push him away.
So, what is it that makes boys this way? Does this only happen with me or is it a universal condition? Am I intimidating? Am I 2 intense? Do I push 2 fast or expect 2 much? I don't have the answers, I can only make the observation that I can't find a boy who "sticks".
Now, I understand there is such a thing as "chemistry" and sometimes u have it, sometimes u don't. But honestly, the best thing to do is to just say so. Why is honesty so hard? There have been times when a guy has been interested in me and I haven't shared the same feelings. I'm honest about it though. It sucks and it's hard, but I just let the guy know, hey, I'm not feeling you that way. I don't end our date with a kiss, I don't say "call me" or "I'll call U" or "let's go out again" and not mean it. I don't constantly flirt and feel on someone I'm just not into. That's just wrong. So, why do boys do it 2 me?
Anybody have an answer? I'm listening ...
"Hello. Hello. Is there anybody in there? Nod if u can hear me. Is there anybody home?" - Scissor Sisters and Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb
About a month ago at a club, a friend of mine made a startling realization. It was insight to a pattern that seems to happen with boys and myself. They run hot and cold. Severely hot and cold. One minute they'll be all into me, interested in pursuing something, calling me, going out with me, and then it's like someone flipped a switch. They just freeze. They're no longer interested, they stop calling and usually I never see them again. What prompted this on this particular night was a boy who I have always found incredibly attractive flirting with me. We were drinking, having a good time and, apparently, while I was in the restroom, my friend was telling this guy a little bit about me, you know extolling my virtues and saying that I was into getting to know a guy and looking for more than just a fuck, u know, basically get the 411 on what this boy was after. Well, apparently, he said all the right things because the boy was interested in the same things I was ... so he said. So, I return, the flirting continues. We touch, we drink, we laugh, it's going well. Then suddenly, it stops. He goes off talking to my friend and some other people ... which is fine, but as the night draws near an end, it's obvious he's avoiding me. My friend, who is very intrusive when he's drunk ... hell, even when he's sober ... manages to get from the guy the straight story ... he's really not interested in me at all. Hmmm, ok, no problem. It happens and I'm cool with that, but it was at this point that my friend made the realization that this happens to me ALL the time. And I had to think about it, and it was true! It doesn't usually happen like this scenario, usually there's a lot more involved than just a conversation at a club one night, but it always ends the same.
For just one example:
Just recently, I guy I've been wanting to talk to for a long time now showed some interest. We talked, we laughed, we touched, we flirted, we exchanged numbers. I called. We went out. Fabulous. I like him. He likes me. He wants to see me again. Excellent. He wants to see me again ... the next night. I think this is a bit unusual because most guys play the game of waiting and playing coy and all that crap which I hate, so I agree. Call me, he says, tomorrow and we'll go out. Great. A 2nd "date", if that's even what u call it anymore. That's always a positive sign. So, I call the next night and leave a message. He calls me back and cancels because he's tired. That's fine. I respect him because he had the courtesy to just call and say so instead of being a coward or insensitive and not calling back at all. So, we'll do it some other time, I say ... but wait, the signal dropped. Fucking cell phones. No biggie. We'll talk later. The next day, I call and leave a message just to say "hey." I was in a restaurant and they were playing a song he loved and I thought about him and I called to say so - in a cute "I'm interested in U" kind of way, not in a creepy "I'm obsessed with U" kind of way. U have to be careful ... there's a fine line there and I know better than 2 pass it. So, time passes. Days pass. I call a few days later, no answer again. I don't leave a message this time. He has caller ID and can see missed calls, I just want him to see that I called. So, more time passes. Nothing. Hmmm. So, I call yesterday and ask for a return call, saying that I enjoyed him and would like to see him again. I got the sneaking suspicion he wouldn't call. And that was my final call to him. I won't call again. And neither will he. And this is how it always ends. So, what happened? He went from hot 2 cold and it had nothing 2 do with me ... at least I hope. I mean, it couldn't possibly because I didn't even have a chance to do anything to push him away.
So, what is it that makes boys this way? Does this only happen with me or is it a universal condition? Am I intimidating? Am I 2 intense? Do I push 2 fast or expect 2 much? I don't have the answers, I can only make the observation that I can't find a boy who "sticks".
Now, I understand there is such a thing as "chemistry" and sometimes u have it, sometimes u don't. But honestly, the best thing to do is to just say so. Why is honesty so hard? There have been times when a guy has been interested in me and I haven't shared the same feelings. I'm honest about it though. It sucks and it's hard, but I just let the guy know, hey, I'm not feeling you that way. I don't end our date with a kiss, I don't say "call me" or "I'll call U" or "let's go out again" and not mean it. I don't constantly flirt and feel on someone I'm just not into. That's just wrong. So, why do boys do it 2 me?
Anybody have an answer? I'm listening ...
"Hello. Hello. Is there anybody in there? Nod if u can hear me. Is there anybody home?" - Scissor Sisters and Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb
posted by Saturn at
11:06 AM
2 Comments:
aw that is sad. it has happened to me too. just wait for the RIGHT one to come along.
Unlike girls, boys are not over-emotional and won't make a big scene when they're upset. The date might've gone well, but the boy decided he wasn't interested enough to keep pursuing it. Boys are very casual and don't become attached easily. It's easy to move on from one girl to another if there's the slightest thing they don't like. Don't change yourself for a guy, because you'll meet the right one who'll like you for just being you. And he won't play you hot and cold.
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